Have you ever tried working out?
Yeah, us neither. But the few of you who are into strength training and exercise must’ve noticed two kinds of people who visit the gym- the ones who are actually doing the heavy lifting, the push-ups, and the sit-ups, the deadlifts and the whole shebang. Then there’s the other group who walk into the gym, pick up a few weights, click a few pictures and then go their merry way.
If you notice closely, both these groups develop their muscles. They are these big, bulky people who you wouldn’t want to challenge under any circumstance.
But, who’s the stronger one?
Simple. All you have to do is challenge them to an arm-wrestling match against each other. Inevitably, you’ll find the actual gym guy coming out at the top each time.
Why is that? They both have the same kind of muscles, right? Both look intimidating enough. Then why do they have these different levels of power?
This is because the first group has actually worked on their core. They have worked to develop all the right muscles to the perfect degree. They have put strength over the show, and are now stronger than the average man.
For the people in the second group, their muscles are all swollen up because of hypertrophy. But, they are like balloons- big, but hollow. Because their guns aren’t dense, they aren’t strong.
Okay, relax. This isn’t going to be an article about working out. But we just used this article to explain to you how important it is to build a foundation for anything in life.
Consider your academics. You have a friend in class who gets good marks in exams. You go to them to get a topic explained, and they immediately give you all the details beautifully. Then, you have another friend who does even better but doesn't know the text itself, let alone anything out of the curriculum. They only study according to the lesson plan that they get before the exams. Who do you think has a better grasp on the subject.
In anything you do in your life, building a strong foundation is important. It’s the base on which you build your Superstructure. If you want your building to stand, you have to make sure your foundation is absolutely solid.
Now, how does this principle work its way into relationships?
When you begin a relationship, the first few months are the best, right? Endless conversations, intimacy - everything’s there. You work on the relationship by establishing communication, making your needs and desires hurt, so on and so forth.
But over time, the relationship grows stale. There aren't so many late-night conversations anymore. The intimacy starts dwindling as both of you become focused on looking out for yourselves. And then you begin wondering- where did it all go wrong? During this point of time, the relationship starts feeling more life work- an additional aspect of your life that needs your attention and your energy.
You find yourself going back to the good old days when it was so easy to be around your partner. When it was spontaneous and attentive and full of love and care. And you keep wondering- where did we go wrong?
Here's the thing. When you're with someone for a long time, it is a natural human tendency for you to start working on yourself instead of focusing on them. You grow apart because, at the end of the day, we're all looking out for each other first. That's why the relationship starts feeling like a burden.
And the reason why it didn't feel like a burden before was that you were actually invested in your partner's happiness. You wanted to please them, care for them, make them happy. They were one of your top priorities, and you liked it that way. Your relationship didn’t need any work because it came spontaneously to you.
So, when you and your partner start feeling like your relationship is dulling down, refocus yourself. Start thinking about your partner’s happiness again. Start doing little things to make their day better. Go out on dinner dates and drink that extra glass of wine. In short, be spontaneous.
Yes, we don’t mean you have to enlist yourself and your guy in an experimental program to unlock the secret code to happy couples. With these small gestures in your regular life, you will be able to maintain a successful and healthy bond.
A lot of people think that communication is the key to a good relationship and it’s true. But the communication should come from a willingness to talk to your partner, right? It shouldn’t be an exercise that you do each day. And for that willingness to re-emerge in your life, you need to tap into the happy beginnings of your relationship and remember why you love your man in the first place.
Now it may seem like too much of an effort in the beginning.
But all it will take is one date or two for you two to go back to all the good times, and finally find each other again. That's the key to maintaining a successful relationship. The foundation of it should be your happiness and your partner's too so that whenever you see the structure wobbling, you can always take a step back, go back to your roots, and rebuild from there.
Of course, this may not be the case for all relationships. Some relationships are built on an infatuation. Two partners who are attracted to each other get together and think they can work it out, but pretty soon they realize that they aren’t meant for each other. In these types of relationships, the best thing would be to let each other go- there’s no use beating a dead horse.
For most relationships, however, it is boredom that is the root cause of all the problems. You get so stuck in your personal ruts that you drift apart, and your partner becomes one more liability. Thankfully, this can be fixed quite easily, only if you’re willing to go back to the foundations of your relationship and work towards each other’s happiness.