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The Real Reason You're Attracted To Unavailable Men (& How To Get Guys Commit To You!)

The Real Reason You're Attracted To Unavailable Men (& How To Get Guys Commit To You!)

. 4 min read

So you’re noticing a pattern. You meet these unbelievably sexy guys you really like but there’s always something keeping you two apart. What’s going on? You two are a perfect match so why won’t he stick around?

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1.You don’t value yourself

This is similar to the reason that many women date so-called bad boys. If you don’t like “nice guys”, it can often be because you feel like anyone who would treat you well must not be very valuable themselves. This can be because of low self-esteem, how we’ve been treated in the past, or any number of factors. So when a guy comes along who is ready and willing to be with you, it’s often like he’s invisible. This is a pattern that’s hard to break.

2.You’re not available

It’s easy to blame the other person and never face our own behaviour. This way we never have to change. But look back at the ways that men can be unavailable. Do any of these apply to you? Are you still hung up on an ex? Are you working 80 hours a week? You want a boyfriend but do you actually have room for a guy in your life?

3.You don’t know what you want

There are as many types of relationships as there are guys. Dating a guy who wants something casual when you want marriage is just another way to date someone emotionally unavailable. But even worse, you might not even know what you want. This creates tension between you two because you’re expecting him to not only fulfill your needs, but also to figure out what your needs are.

4.You’re scared

You’re afraid to take the relationship to the next level. As much as you complain that you two can’t be together, there’s some part of you that feels more comfortable this way. If you never get to really be together, you never really have to have your heart broken or risk anything.
This is why you’re attracted to guys who won’t give you the time of day. It’s crazy the lengths our minds will go to protect us. But when you realize you’re holding yourself back, you can find the strength to move forward.

5.You’re making excuses

This is a pretty common one as well. It’s possible you’re the one keeping you two apart. If he’s married or won’t return your phone calls, then he’s obviously unavailable but there are plenty of guys who are somewhere in the middle. Don’t let the fact that he got out of a relationship a few months ago or the fact that you two work in the same office be an excuse to avoid trying. Before you give up all hope, make sure you know for sure that it can’t happen.

So you’ve figured out your problem. Now how do you put a stop to this pattern?

There are plenty of ways to love yourself and improve your confidence. Just know that this is a long process that doesn’t happen overnight. But here are some possible first steps:

Self-care

there’s a reason everyone is talking about it. Changing up your skincare routine, your makeup or your hair can be the confidence boost you need to start feelings more like yourself.

Take up a hobby.

Feeling ineffective and motionless can quickly become a feeling of worthlessness. Get out there and do something. Hobbies are a great way to get yourself moving and get feelings of accomplishment.

Do something nice for yourself, every day.

This can be as simple as watching an episode of a tv show you like, going for a walk, or getting a fancy coffee. These may be things you do every day but do them mindfully and without guilt or judgment. Tell yourself “I deserve this” and pretty soon you’ll start to feel that way.

Here are some other things you can do to break this cycle.

Figure out what you want. Think about your ideal relationship. How often do you want to see one another? How serious is it? How do they support you? Where do you live? What does your life together look like? You don’t need to have a house and white picket fence picked out but if you know the relationship that you want and need then it will be easier to go after it.

Be up front with guys when you first start dating about what you’re looking for. It’s good to speak generally about what you’re looking for out of a relationship. This can avoid a lot of miscommunication and missed expectations.

And don’t forget to go to coachnorth.com. I’ve put together a free video presentation that packs in way more information than any of my youtube videos alone. The best advice I can give you if you’re looking to find, attract, and get exclusive with the guy of your dreams, is to go to coachnorth.com now.

Click Here to Check Out the Presentation.

So there you have it. Unavailable guys aren’t always a dead end if you know what to do. Do you have a story about a guy who strung you along for awhile before finally committing?