The #1 reason you don’t have the love you want is because of something about the way you look… am I right?
If only you looked different—like a Victoria’s Secret model, or a dancer in a hip hop video, or even just like yourself through a Snapchat filter—then your problem would be solved.
Because then men would notice you.
They would fight over themselves to be with you.
You wouldn’t even have to have a good personality. You could just stand there and look bored. It wouldn’t even matter what you said.
But unless you want massive amounts of plastic surgery to look like a Barbie doll, that’s not going to happen. Men are only attracted to hot babes, and that’s just how it is…
Blend In or Stand Out?
One of the co-founders of OkCupid, Christian Rudder, wanted to know if it was true that attractive women on online dating sites get all the hits.
Do you have to be conventionally attractive to get any interest from men?
He discovered that the truth was more complicated. Yes, being attractive gets you more attention. But something else that gets you a lot of attention is being polarizing.
Profiles that inspire mixed feelings—some guys love your pictures, while other guys hate them—get you 70% more messages.
So don’t hide what makes you different. Not appealing to everyone works to your advantage. It’s better to be a “specialized taste” than to be averagely attractive.
You’re a Person, Not a Photo
When we turn our gaze away from the media and its narrow definition of beauty, we find that we care more about how we look than anyone else.
Look at the women in your life. Can’t you see the beauty in every one of them? Why do we think that men can’t see the same beauty we see, just because they’re male?
You can’t divide a room into attractive women and unattractive women. That’s because attraction is about a lot more than how you look in photos. It’s about how you exist in your body. It’s about how you laugh. It’s about the experiences you have with people.
The next time you go out, notice who the couples are. No matter where you are—Walmart, the beach, a bar on Saturday night—you’ll see real women alongside the men who love them. A perfect body isn’t a prerequisite for love.
It’s Not Your Body
We blame our bodies for everything that’s wrong in our love life, because our bodies are an easy target. The media is really good at making us feel bad about how we look.
Your appearance matters, but not in the way you think it does. It matters because it affects how you feel about yourself.
It’s less about HOW you look than how you FEEL about how you look.
So let’s get rid of this insecurity that tells us we’re unlovable because of our bodies.
If we work as hard on feeling good in our bodies as we do on looking good in our bodies, our whole world will change.
It’s hard to feel great about yourself when there are messages everywhere telling you that you’re not sexy enough, but real-life men would tell you a different story.
Real-life men come in every shape and size. Of course they fall in love with real-life women of every shape and size. They’re not as hoodwinked by the beauty industry as we are. No one is going to tell them that the woman they love isn’t beautiful.
So don’t look at yourself through the eyes of a camera lens or the reflection in a mirror. Look at yourself through the eyes of those who love you. That’s the truth of who you are.